Wishes and dreams...a brief look back to go forward

I used to be a dreamer. It sounds so silly now, but even up to my sophomore year in college I had all these ideals of what my life was supposed to be like. College was supposed to be fun and I would finally have the chance to break out of my shell. It was much harder to make my college experience what I wanted it to be when I first stepped onto campus at the age of 18. I could blame a number of things: church, my parents, romantic comedies, Korean dramas, etc. In a word, I was naive. Although I was hurt or disappointed numerous times, sometimes even depressed, I find myself randomly wishing I had those same yearnings now.

Where did my passion go?

In the end, college was such a great time for me. I learned to love Santa Cruz, met some amazing people and began lifelong friendships. I'm still a little shy now, but not compared to how I was four-five years ago. I grew up and became a stronger person despite all my hardships. But being unemployed for a little over a month really put a damper on all that growth I accomplished. It was a minor set-back, but I felt like a failure even though it's silly to think of my situation that way. But it goes to show how hard I can be on myself at times. When I'm feeling down it's extremely hard to pick myself back up again right away because all of my insecurities come back to haunt me tenfold .

These days I'm trying to find a balance between my past self and present self. I am feeling a little better and less poopy because I accomplished a small goal, and that makes me one step closer to the career I want to pursue. In the next several years I hope to give back to my family who have supported me, (even when I was at my most selfish) especially my parents. I don't want them to worry about me so much anymore and I need to show them, as well as myself, that I am doing ok.