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Gladly Beyond Me

Yikes!

I just had a chocolate binge. It lasted all of 10 seconds, but oh my gosh, all that chocolate is gone now. 

Ok, ok. Maybe it was just a mini-binge. But still! Oh, life.

Passion

Pen meet paper. Because I also like to doodle.

Hump day

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming"...at least I'm keeping my head above the water.

In the midst of working, I'm glad that I'm motivated enough to push through the icky stuff. Well, except for that minor breakdown on Monday and almost decided to give up. But what's life without its road bumps?

Bridging the gap

GT makes some very insightful points on what I like to refer as the Asian American condition. He specifically refers to apathy in his vlog and I think it rings all too true. Yes, there may be demonstrations protesting outrage at how Asians are misrepresented in Hollywood films or under-exposed in the music industry. But can we honestly say that there is indeed a market for Asian American artists and entertainers? Who is really to blame for their lack of success?

Generally speaking, Asian Americans have not actively supported the work of Asian American artists, entertainers and filmmakers. This may have to do with the duality of living as an Asian American, which can be a life full of compromises and feeling stuck between two worlds. In my personal experience, I kept both worlds separate. I did not appreciate how Hollywood films portrayed Asians so I decided that if I wanted to see Asians on screen, I would watch a Korean movie instead. There, problem solved, or so I thought. I quickly accepted that Asians and Asian Americans won't find mainstream success or earn respect in the entertainment industry. In other words, I went around the issue instead of helping to resolve it.

I believe that many Asian Americans feel or have felt this way. But it's important to realize that the power to enable change also depends on our actions, not just our words. Although Asian American artists seem scarce, they are out there and need recognition and support. The ability to venture out and connect online is tremendous, and I think we should use it to our advantage to seek them out. Otherwise, everything will remain the same and we will continue to be stuck living in two separate worlds. We need to bridge the gap and allow new voices breathe some fresh air into American society.

And now for something different...

"Zettai Kareshi" kind of sucked my soul the past 72 hours. Didn't read the manga so my disappointments were few. 

And the tears would NOT stop falling. Geebus.

A few words about Kpop

My involvement in the Kpop world has become a love-hate relationship. And these days, Kpop has been a whee bit frustrating.

Why the love? Because for me, and for many others I can imagine, it can be a great escape from real life. Plus, some of my favorite songs are by Korean artists/idols. I admit that one of my guilty pleasures is watching idols/artists on variety shows because some of it is just too priceless. Oh, and let's not forget sexy spreads of TOP. Why? Because he is HOT.

Why the hate? Well, I'm grinding my teeth at the ever-increasing style of music (auto-tune, repetitive lyrics and beats, fluff, fluff and more fluff) being produced and released en masse. Many songs being performed by our beloved idols are catered to follow the latest trends and increase sales instead of reflecting any dedication to the craft of making good music. And when I say "good music", I'm not trying to sound elitist. It's not about disliking a particular style, it's about hearing the true intentions and feelings behind a given song. Lately, some of Kpop's most popular songs seem a bit empty to me. I'll give any song a listen with an open mind, but I can't imagine listening to today's music 3-5 years from now.

I'm also very wary of the internet culture that comes with Kpop. Many fans and anti-fans take Kpop way too seriously. I am so, so tired of reading self-righteous and hateful comments. I have a growing dislike of petitions for the sake or downfall of an artist or group. It also baffles me how fans spend an obscene amount of money to share their love for idols, and I'm not talking about ordering every single calendar and picture book. I'm talking about buying freakishly expensive birthday and anniversary gifts, and frankly, it makes my stomach churn. I do, however, love how fans pool their money together to donate to a charity on behalf of their favorite idols.

As you can see, there are many factors in the industry I wish would change. I miss fan-girling over the music, not just magazine spreads and variety programs. 

[e]

I shall be waiting patiently for my copy of their 6th album. ^^

Internet culture in Korea and how it matters

Words, videos, images...a faceless person behind a computer screen can post or upload any of these on a blog, forum, or social networking site and unknowingly wield a certain amount of power  and influence. While the internet has definitely opened up the lines of communication on a global scale, the backlash of being connected come in many forms, whether it's online solicitation of minors, murder, or copyright infringement. In Korea, netizens can also create a backlash with harsh comments and thus hurt the recipient immensely. The power of netizens is a double-edged sword and they demonstrate time and time again the power that they have in Korean society.

Korea is one of the most wired nations in the world and their internet culture has fascinated me for years. I'm a big believer that communication and debate enriches people's lives, so I used to think how great it was that so many people cared enough to contribute their thoughts and opinions regarding various news articles and public figures. Then came the suicides that suddenly became more frequent during the past couple years, to the point where it was no longer surprising. Fascination with Korea's internet culture turned into dread when I realized the internet was heavily used as a vehicle for spreading hatred, not just an open forum for communication and understanding. My question was simple: why the hate? Well, the answer may be found upon examining Korea's media system.

I can't read every single Korean news article out there (anything longer than 2 paragraphs gives me a slight headache), but I've noticed that most are a bit wishy-washy and geared towards a more positive light, sometimes even bland in their unwillingness to expose certain truths. Just to compare, the U.S. has MANY news sources out there that critique anything and everything; almost nothing is hands-off and people are always openly debating. Yet, in a country where respect and image are huge factors, it seems easier for Korea to have its netizens be the real critics, share the "bad news" and expose public figures to be picked apart from all angles.

2PM's Park Jaebeom is just one example of the backlash of internet culture in Korea.  Choi Jin Shil, Unee, and Lee Eun Ju are a few other examples on the extreme end of the spectrum because they committed suicide due to antis going too far. 

Despite the damage netizens (not just in Korea but all over of the world) can cause, the open lines of communication are still there:

International forums, YouTube, blogs and minihompys are being utilized from people all over the world: Korea, U.S., Canada, Malaysia, Philippines, France, Australia, just to name a few. Park Jaebeom, you have some amazing fans and admirers.

*Edit 9/10/09: This isn't to say that I fully support those who are fighting for Jay's existence in 2PM and Kpop--that's a different matter altogether, especially the new updates/rumors regarding JYPE and the personal feelings for those who are intimately involved. 

After Labor Day...

This Labor Day weekend was interesting to say the least...I spent most of it with my family and chilled with a friend yesterday afternoon. After deciding that my low-key and relaxing weekend was just what I needed to kick off the work week, I went online to get my Kpop fix. You know, for some excitement that doesn't require a whole lot of effort. Surprisingly, and in other ways not so surprisingly, the drama that is the 2PM-Jaebeom-MySpace-fiasco hit an all new low and now he is coming back to the States. I admit that I spent most of last night reading articles first in Korean and then in English by clicking through international blogs, all the while wondering how could this happen so fast. 

Despite my real-life woes, I've given a fair bit of attention to the Jaebeom-MySpace controversy, but not because I'm a fan. As a fellow Korean-America, Jaebeom's situation both saddens and frustrates me because it touches on the subject of how Korean natives view Korean-Americans, and vice versa. Although the controversy seemed to divide Korean natives and Korean-Americans, after reading so many positive and supportive messages and articles, I'm hopeful that this is also breaking barriers for a more complete understanding of Korean culture, American culture, and the in-between.

화이팅!

Even when you fail/pick yourself back up again/show them what you got

Dilemma

Once I started all this talk of vacationing and visiting other countries, I became a bit sad because I realized that food is such a huge part of travel. While many people live to eat, I tend to eat to live, which is funny because I love watching food programs on the Travel channel or Food Network, even on YouTube (mainly because it involved 2AM):

(Ok, so I just wanted to mention 2AM for the heck of it because they're so funny but don't get as much attention as their other half).

My main point is, I don't get excited thinking about yummy morsels tantalizing my taste buds, but I enjoy watching other people light up and connect over something delicious. How weird am I?

My mental list of where I want to go, now on "paper"

Just to solidify and make my travel plans more real. Let's start with places I've always wanted to visit!

• The great land of 대한민국. Need to visit 충청도 and 서울, amongst others. (S.Korea)
• Japan is for when I make more money... ㅜ_ㅜ
• Paris, Metz and Mont-Saint-Michel (France)
• Rome and Florence (Italy)
• Athens, Meteroa, Mykonos and Crete (Greece)
• Madrid and Barcelona (Spain)
• Vienna (Austria) 
• Vancouver (Canada)

It just occurred to me that my mind automatically thought of destinations outside the country. I haven't been out of California very much, only Reno (thanks to my parents, hahaha), Vegas and Washington, D.C. 

Places in the U.S. I want to visit:

• Hawaii
  
• New York
• Chicago 
• Boston

A whole new world?

Yes, cheesy title. But after much encouragement from my sister and brother-in-law, as well as a few good friends who studied abroad, I've decided that I need to start traveling. Traveling! Instead of blowing my money on Vegas like I did the past 2 times I went on "vacation", it's time for me to visit other parts of the world. Money's always an issue but it seems like it's better to go in debt after traveling because of the experience and lessons I can learn from visiting another country. My friends can't tell me enough how much they grew from living abroad and immersing themselves in a different culture (and yes, "immersing" yourself in one thing or another sounds cliched, but how else can I describe it? Soak? Absorb? Occupy? Involve? Ah, decisions).

My goal is to plan a vacation, a REAL vacation, for 5 days in another country. I always had a mental list of the places I wanted to travel whenever I fantasized about going somewhere, but the question is where do I go first!?

Finally!

My long wait is over. Unemployment checks FINALLY arrived and I can breathe a little easier now. Phew.

Money's a crazy thing. Maybe I'm watching too much of 찬란한 유산 but these past few months taught me a dear lesson. Aaah, the stresses of reality. Bah humbug.

Me = Cheeseball

I usually don't watch TV but I can't stop watching Lifetime's (yes, I KNOW) "Drop Dead Diva." I cried during episodes 5 & 6. I'm taking a break before watching last Sunday's episode that I missed.

I've been on a sort of crying spree lately. Anything that is even remotely touching/happy/sad makes me teary-eyed.

Enlighten me

Thinking late at night/Confusion is within me/Finally, I see

No internet

Moving to a new place is a time of new beginnings. In my case: I moved, began a new part-time job and finished my summer semester all in the same week. Along with moving one's own crap, my sister and I had to start up the cable and internet again. Disaster! Even now, we don't have wireless access and the ethernet cable isn't any better! Now I know how much of my life, especially my morning routine, depends upon the internet! I suddenly felt isolated and and a little disconnected even though it's only been about a week. I missed getting my daily fixes whenever I wanted, like NY Times online, American/Kpop gossip, YouTube-ing 2PM, Twitter, and Facebook, just to name a few. Without the internet I continued to hang out/call/text my friends but I guess it's the other online communities out there that I missed as well.

Must...have...internet...

Ooooh boy

Yeah, yeah, it's a bad idea to blog about your work, BUT I will talk about it vaguely anyways 'cause I need to get it off my chest. I recently started my new part-time job in San Francisco and it's more involved than I imagined. In theory my job is pretty straight-forward and I KNOW that by next week I'll have my duties down pat. But it goes to show that translating what you were taught in the classroom to the workplace is not always as smooth as you want it to be. I'm so thankful for the opportunity but I'm even more grateful that it's part-time. If it wasn't, I'd be crying my little heart out and going home cranky. So for the time being, work is a little difficult but I will survive.

I hope for a successful work week.

Julie & Julia

This movie was so darn sweet. I especially adored Stanley Tucci in this. =)

I <3 One Day

How to Think Constructively About Healthcare

'Welcome to the great national healthcare debate. It's confusing, frustrating, and anything but stimulating — because both sides have hunkered down into their respective bunkers."

Wishes and dreams...a brief look back to go forward

I used to be a dreamer. It sounds so silly now, but even up to my sophomore year in college I had all these ideals of what my life was supposed to be like. College was supposed to be fun and I would finally have the chance to break out of my shell. It was much harder to make my college experience what I wanted it to be when I first stepped onto campus at the age of 18. I could blame a number of things: church, my parents, romantic comedies, Korean dramas, etc. In a word, I was naive. Although I was hurt or disappointed numerous times, sometimes even depressed, I find myself randomly wishing I had those same yearnings now.

Where did my passion go?

In the end, college was such a great time for me. I learned to love Santa Cruz, met some amazing people and began lifelong friendships. I'm still a little shy now, but not compared to how I was four-five years ago. I grew up and became a stronger person despite all my hardships. But being unemployed for a little over a month really put a damper on all that growth I accomplished. It was a minor set-back, but I felt like a failure even though it's silly to think of my situation that way. But it goes to show how hard I can be on myself at times. When I'm feeling down it's extremely hard to pick myself back up again right away because all of my insecurities come back to haunt me tenfold .

These days I'm trying to find a balance between my past self and present self. I am feeling a little better and less poopy because I accomplished a small goal, and that makes me one step closer to the career I want to pursue. In the next several years I hope to give back to my family who have supported me, (even when I was at my most selfish) especially my parents. I don't want them to worry about me so much anymore and I need to show them, as well as myself, that I am doing ok.

Ekin

This is my roommate's cute dog. His name is Ekin and he's a Pekingese.

As you can see, Ekin's a bit cuter than the average Pekingese.

He was recently groomed and now looks like a shaved puppy. I will miss him when I am gone. So cute!

Happy Birthday, Sister!

Still packing. There's something so refreshing about reorganizing my belongings and placing them neatly in boxes. Also...

Happy 22nd Birthday to my younger sister, Julie! Whoo!

Krugman: Health Care Realities

I haven't been able to read the news as thoroughly as I want to these days, but I'm trying to catch up before I move out. And then I'll have to play catch up AGAIN since I'm not a fan of watching the news because there are so many awesomely bad shows to see instead. After going through all the headliners, health care reform is one of the major current issues that I really like to sink my teeth into. Krugman described it perfectly:

"it’s not just that many Americans don’t understand what President Obama is proposing; many people don’t understand the way American health care works right now."

Many people who I've spoken with about health care reform fear a government take-over and want to protect their rights as they see it. In reality, the government's already involved. One example: Medicare.

These were some interesting points from the column. It seemed like Krugman was concerned that many American citizens did not know that:

• The government is already involved in health care, even in private insurance.
• Health care depends on insurance. For expensive procedures like transplants or other surgeries, insurance is crucial.
• Private markets for insurance without government aid are most likely to deny as many claims as possible. These insurers are also likely to spend most of the money for underwriting and other expenses not related to medical treatment or bills.
• Most Americans don't buy insurance directly--they get it through their employers.
• Unregulated markets don't work for health care. Period.

Health Care Realities

Just got the call...

And I am no longer unemployed! Well, for now it's part-time temp work, but that's actually in my favor for the upcoming semester. It's funny how the smallest things can make the biggest difference, like sending short thank-you notes. Off to another new start! I will be moving back to Fremont hopefully by the beginning of next week, not back home like I had originally planned. New job orientation starts this Thursday and there's been hints that it could turn into full-time. Real work won't start until the following week. I'm excited!

A new hope

Will I be unemployed for any longer? Things are beginning to turn around!

I'm getting ready for an interview tomorrow and hopefully I'll be able to scratch off the first thing on my list below. If it turns out well, I will get at least my pinky toe into the door, if not my whole foot!

Things to do

I like to make lists.

General plan for the next 6 months: 

Find a part-time job  

Finish classes and get my paralegal certificate so I can legitimately work for a firm  

Buy a bed frame and a desk (I live like a pauper)

Movies: 

500 Days of Summer  

Paper Heart  

The Hurt Locker  

G.I. Joe (looks so bad but I need some campy fun!)

Music: 

Drunken Tiger's "Feel gHood Muzik: the 8th Wonder"  

Epik High and Planet Shiver's "Remixing the Human Soul"

Drowns in cuteness

How did I miss this before? Adorable.

Home...for 2 days

I'm back home with my parents for 2 days. A whole day hasn't passed by yet and I'm starting to feel the walls closing in...

And now I'm shutting down that thought because I know moving back in next month is necessary. Sigh. It's ok...I'm only 23. *grimace*

Dreaming big

An online course about dreaming big? How awesome is that!

This would have GREATLY appealed to me a few years ago, but seeing something like this brings back my old ideals, wishes and dreams. This online course seems to bridge dreams and reality, which looks pretty interesting.

Mondo Beyondo

What to do

I'm at the mid-point of completing my paralegal certification. 2 more semesters left, but this time as a full-time student. Now here's the question that's been plaguing me for a few years now:

Should I pursue law school? =/

New public enemy

I have hit a new all-time low...Bejeweled Blitz on Facebook. Aaaarg!

Unbelievable

For the times I want to complain about my current circumstances, I will remember reading this article on how these young Chinese graduates were robbed of the opportunity to build their lives. It sickens me how hard work doesn't mean squat to those with money, power and the audacity to do this to another individual.

"With the Manila folders went their futures..."

The Ugly Truth

"One of the lessons of “The Ugly Truth” — beyond the obvious one that a desirable, desiring woman can never, ever, be happily single and sexual in modern Hollywood — is that holding to your hard-won ideals is of no consequence, at least when there’s a guy to be hooked. When Mike is brought in, Abby fights him because she sees him for what he is: the lowest common denominator. Eventually, though, she succumbs to his coarse ways, even adopting his crude language, because, well, that’s what the public wants." - NY Times Movie Review

"What a romantic comedy should be doing is showing what's attractive and limiting in two people, then bringing these plausible opposites together at the middle. Something is very wrong when the beast is instantly more appealing than the beauty and when a comedy becomes an essay in misogyny." - Time Movie Review

While watching the previews and trailer the first time around I thought, "hey this might cheer me up!" It looked funny and harmless, yet when I saw Gerard Butler on Comedy Central talking about women in bikinis jello-wrestling, I started to get a tad bit turned off. When I watched the trailer of The Ugly Truth again, many things came to mind all at once:

• Why does Katherine Heigl keep playing the same character movie after movie?
• Gerard Butler's character is an ass.
• What happened to the romantic comedy genre? Should I blame Judd Apatow?
• How come the modern woman can't be happy and single?
• Women need to stop compromising their values.
• I need to stop compromising my values.
• I can't believe the writers of this movie are 3 women.
• Am I being too indignant and self-righteous?
• Do men do this to themselves to hook women?
  

"Getting" the guy has always been an issue for me. Well, more like getting the guy to stay. Too often I've succumbed to what I believe Abby does by the end of the film. Taking a firm stance and keeping my feet planted on the ground is a crazy challenge because I convinced myself long ago that who I am now is not enough. After many trials and errors I am taking the advice I've given to many of my girlfriends: strong, independent women don't need to win the guy by giving in to what he believes you should be. This isn't to say all men are the "bad guys" but in my experience and in regards to my own shortcomings, I've been there. And frankly, it sucked.

I understand there's humor in laughing at gender stereotypes. I've also been accused of being a little too serious about things that shouldn't matter, but abasing a lead character, male or female, is not my cup of tea.

I don't know if I'll get around to watching this movie. Maybe as a rental?

Friendly reminder

I will not neglect this blog. I will continue to spew out anything, whether it's notable or nonsensical, that comes from my head onto this page. I am doing this because I believe it will be better for me. More so that I don't become a couch-potato-in-denial.

I'll be back to writing, even if I feel unmotivated. As for now, just getting ready for class. ^_^

Something to remember

"When a hiring manager takes her first glance at your resume, you have just ten seconds to convince her that you're special.........can you do it?"

I <3 2PM

This makes for an EXTREMELY unproductive day.

Admission

My weakness in relationships is my willingness to compromise my values because I'm so scared to lose him.

This needs to change.

It's beginning to get to me...

I've succumbed to an early-mid twenties depression where I want to get my life started. Or even more depressing...my life has already started and it sucks.

Generally speaking, I feel that my generation believes we are entitled to many things. Entitled, so we don't need to work and push (REALLY push) our way from the bottom to the top, or wherever we strive to be. I managed to be employed for a full year after graduating from college, and now that I'm stuck waiting for my unemployment checks (where are they!?!?!) I can't help but feel disappointed in myself. I admit a part of me feels entitled--did I not slave away at university while working my way to pay for my classes and books? It's a childish thought and now I'm suppressing it.

I should move back home. In the boonies. Middle of nowhere. Collect unemployment there and finish up my classes I'm currently taking for paralegal studies. Fight against my parents who'd love to send me to law school (I gave myself a few years to think about that one) and work at a coffee shop to pay my credit card bills.

I loved living on my own after college. I will hate feeling restricted again and becoming an errand-girl for my parents who I know will make me do numerous things for them because "I have time".

But, my parents love me. They will house me, feed me, and support me. Sigh. One more month left to find work before I pack my bags.

Picture of innocence

Ugh, these boys are so effing cute.

Public Option For Health Care?

House panel passes health bill, critics slam cost.

The health bill was approved today by the House Ways and Means committee in hopes to bring health insurance to the millions of Americans who are not insured (including myself). Surprisingly, many people who I've spoken with about universal health care are somewhat against it. I guess this says a lot about the area I live in and the people I tend to be around, but I hardly hear talk about health care as a basic right, aside from myself, close friends and my family members. The same arguments crop up again and again for those who are against it: the private sector is already good, countries who receive universal health care, like France, Australia or South Korea, are not happy with the system and it will decrease the quality of health care we already receive.

I understand the fear people have about a government "take over" of all of health insurance. Yet, in my perspective, this is bringing Americans another choice, another route to take since the private sector is not an affordable option for many out there without insurance. Sure, a public plan may start with an unfair advantage, but this added competition may help private plans become more efficient and change for the better.

And how could I forget another argument for those who do not like the idea of a public plan: profit. Public plans wouldn't have to show profit. But aren't some private plans not-for-profit? If nonprofit plans can offer the same or better quality health care as for-profit plans, then what's the use of protecting for-profit plans? The existence of a public plan doesn't mean the demise of the private sector. This could actually be favorable in terms of the quality of health care that can be provided because of the added competition.

President Obama wants a public plan. Moreover, he wanted the bill to be bipartisan. Didn't happen since all Republicans plus three Democrats voted against it. Looks like a sign that the cost of going forward with this plan is increasingly becoming a worry for both parties. If not for a public plan, what I'd really like to see is health care reform. A public plan would be great for someone in my shoes, but overall, I think it's important that private insurers trim excessive costs and expand coverage. Whether or not Congress will pass this by August, I'm glad that the ball is finally rolling. We'll just have to wait and see.

Why the Critics of a Public Option For Health Care Are Wrong.

How I Got Here

Newly unemployed college graduate seeking a place to share her thoughts, passions, and idiosyncrasies.

:-)